“Don’t worry I’ll treat you like the little prince you are.” Ellie said to Jordy as they walked out of the pool area. Jordan hadn’t ever seen Sara blow up at someone like she had Tamara before. It was nothing short of shocking to see her dissect Tamara with the precision of a doctor. He was glad she defended Kelli and Kayla as they both seem like good people. It also made him realize he was Sara’s more than he realized before. If Sara was willing to do that for Kayla he could only imagine how far she would go for him. Emily or Daniela wouldn’t have a chance if she went full Sara on them. When she comes, she comes for blood.
Ellie was beaming as she walked down the hall. Jordan hadn’t been left in her exclusive care like this before outside of the first day he went to school with Sara. Normally when she got any time with Jordan Sara was nearby. This was unfettered access to the prince. Not that she would actually do anything with him, she sighed.
“Are you stable enough? I haven’t had to little walk since training. I practiced a bit in my room after Sara got you. But it’s hard to practice without a little. I had a small beanbag I used but it wasn’t quite the same. I wanted to be ready for a situation like this where you were put into my care. I take my duties quite seriously as your aunt.” Ellie verbalized more so to break the ice a bit. She knew Jordan must be nervous around her. While she was Sara’s best friend Jordan still only knew of her through Sara and it had only been a few days.
She felt a bit bad for Jordan. She remembered what it was like before she got her results back. The constant wonder of what would happen. Always trying to be so careful. Wearing a mask which now seems so silly, but you didn’t know at first. It seems dumb now Ellie thought shaking her head ever so slightly but making plans with Sara in case they caught Smallara.
When she found out Sara was Immune it was a relief. As much as she wanted a little she wouldn’t want any of her friends as Littles. Although she knew that she wouldn’t want to be a little either. She didn’t want to have to see her friends all huge or have to relearn how to live. She didn’t want to have to adapt to life as a different species.
Its why she felt a bit bad for Jordan, but he seemed to take it all in stride. She understood why he wouldn’t want to see his sister or anyone like that. Sometimes it’s easier to let them remember you as you were than seeing you as you are. Plus living as a Little and making those adjustments would have less potential baggage starting fresh with someone. Although having had alot of time to think about it and what ultimately led Ellie to agree to let Sara be her guardian if it came to it. Was the fact It would be selfish of her to take herself away from her friends and family like that. As their feelings matter, but she doesn’t fault anyone like Jordan who took that route. As its a very personal choice.
As while it would be easier for her to just vanish into the care of someone else, its cruel to those who love her. As they are losing their daughter, sibling, or friend. They are left to almost to mourn you as if you had passed on. Left always wondering if you are okay. If you are safe. If your guardian is as good of a person as you hope they are.
“You know you’re not alone right Jordy? I know we aren’t the friends you’ve always known but we all want you to be happy and feel safe. Most of all you’re like Sara’s security blanket. You get to be there when we can’t. She’s had a rough go of it. So, try not to judge her too harshly. Bits and pieces of the old Sara have crept out since you’ve been around. It’s been good to see.” Ellie said.
“She, you both, have treated me well. It started out a little rough, but things are coming along. I don’t dislike it here or anything. It’s just different. If you want me to be able to help, I have to know what happened though. I can’t help or support her without knowing the full story.” Jordan said.
“You guys go on. I’m just gonna grab a bottle of water quick. All that swimming got me thirsty, and you know me. I don’t do tap water.” Ellie feigned turning a corner before pausing and leaning up against the wall.
“I suppose you have that right. You’re family now but, this stays between us. Seriously.” Ellie said with a glare. It was unnatural in his time around her for her to have such a serious look like this. The seriousness in her voice devoured any hint of playfulness that it once had. The normal slightly ditzy fun-loving girl had vanished as she took him off her shoulder and held him in her hands looking down at Jordan.”
“Who am I going to tell? But my lips are sealed.” Jordan said.
“There were signs I should have seen. She’s basically my sister and every tell I just missed them all. I was so wrapped up in myself and my own bullshit that I just didn’t see it. You obviously know that Sara and Charity haven’t ever gotten along. I wouldn’t say Chloe, Mallory and I are friendly with her or anything, but Charity has always had it in for Sara. Because she views her family as basically middle class pretending to be high class. Because she thinks of Sara as beneath her, she expects Sara to have a bit of reverence towards her which you know Sara. She’s not going to do that.”
“I’ve seen Sara and Charity go at it. I mean Charity seems like a bitch, but Sara held her own. She’s not one to get pushed around.” Jordan said.
“The Sara you know and the Sara of old aren’t exactly the same. I wouldn’t say they are strangers to each other. However, they have their differences. Charity made Sara’s life hell. Charity always had, so it was easy to overlook, you know, and Sara just kind of took it in stride all the time. She would laugh it off and move on. I didn’t know it was a mask. I should have but I failed her.” Ellie said with remorse in her voice. “God she’s going to kill me. If you don’t take this to grave, I’ll put you in one. But, Sara used to have a bit of Belly. She wasn’t fat or anything, but she had a few extra pounds like a lot of people. Nothing to be ashamed of really. Well Charity saw how defensive she got over it and you’ve met Charity. She just wouldn’t let it go. It was the butt of what felt like every joke. She teased and tormented her time and time again. I should have stepped in and done something more than just tell her to ignore it or she’s not worth the thought. I could have shut charity up about it, but Sara would laugh it off like everything else. So, I let it go. I shouldn’t have but I did.” Ellie said looking away for moment before refocusing on Jordan. “What she ended up doing is at home in secret she started working out. If you want to want to know why she has almost zero body fat now. Thats why, she purged it from her body so Charity couldn’t use it against her. That’s why the coke thing with you is such a big deal to her. She cut out all that stuff. She will only drink the occasional energy drink. While she was doing this, she wore clothes that kind of hid what she was doing. We didn’t even know. We would have helped or stopped Charity.” Ellie said wiping a couple tears from her eyes.
“If this is too much. I didn’t mean dredge up the past.” Jordan said feeling a bit bad for asking.
“In for a penny, in for a pound my grandma always says. Then she started talking about how Sara couldn’t get a boyfriend because guys were repulsed by her. She wasn’t out or anything so people didn’t know she dated girls. But Charity would keep twisting that knife. Painting mean things on her locker, calling her out in public. She started finding times Sara would be alone to really go at her I guess.”
“I was doing gymnastics at the time. I was good Jordy. I’m not saying I was going to the Olympics or anything like that, but I was really good. I was doubling down as you know what if. So, I needed, I thought that I could do this for me and what would be the harm. There’s nothing wrong with pulling away, taking a step back, and just doing things for yourself. Chloe at that time, was, let me just say. She was finding out what it means to be heir apparent to the generitech throne. So, the usual support structure Sara had was weakened and Katelyn and Sara were fighting. Katelyn wanted to be out there, and Sara had reservations. Her parents, especially her mom wouldn’t exactly be thrilled, and at that point she wasn’t comfortable doing it. Maybe because Katelyn wasn’t the one. You’d have to ask sara about that.” Ellie said.
“The whole thing was Nasty. We used to be best friends before she started dating Sara and now all that is just gone. But, if its between Sara and anything its always going to be Sara. She’s my ride or die as they say. No matter, I could rob a bank and call her to meet me out and front and she would, no questions asked or needed.
“It kind of seems like death by a thousand cuts. It doesn’t seem like anyhting is your fault.” Jordan said.
“Sara was getting quiet when I look back at it now. She was more distant and kind of standing always slightly apart from everyone. Not in a major way but as you replay it in your mind again and again you notice these things. So long story short all of that just kind of keeps progressing getting slightly worse day by day as you could imagine until The day. So, I had this gymnastics meet I was supposed to be going on, and Chloe was going out of town with her parents on a business thing and Mallory had away a game so she was gone. I just happened to mess up the time. I was supposed to be at the school for the team bus and missed it. I was so mad that day I just wanted to vent. I felt like I had let everyone down. I knew Sara was at home, but she wasn’t answering. It was still early so i figured she was just being a bum and sleeping late. So, I went over to her house. Both her parents were at work which wasn’t abnormal. So, i just let myself in with my keys and I quietly walked up the stairs toward Sara’s room walking around that board in the middle of the hallway that squeaks and the one on the 4th step that does the same. So as I went down the hall the bathroom door was halfway open, but I didn’t think anything of it until I got closer and saw like a foot and heard very quiet sobbing.”
“We can stop here if you want.” Jordan said seeing the affect it was having on Ellie.
“I pushed the door open and saw she had cut herself. She was just kind of leaned up against the wall on the floor looking down at herself just waiting for her life to end. I fumbled my way into calling for an ambulance and following their instructions but the entire time I couldn’t help but think how this was my fault. I knew everything and wasn’t there and I’m her best friend. She’s basically my sister and I just was too obsessed, too full of myself to care. It was just words and jokes and you see all that bullshit on tv about how words can hurt, and you don’t know what someone else is going through.”
“That’s not your fault though. You have a right to pursue your own happiness.” Jordan said.
“Not at the expense of those you care about. I didn’t even know she was suffering from depression to begin with. But, I should have. So, I told God that if he just brought her back. If she could just walk out of that hospital, I would give up gymnastics. I would never touch any of it again. I prayed and prayed because if you want a miracle you have to be willing to sacrifice. I got my wish and I walked away. Sara went to a specialized clinic to help for a few weeks. I couldn’t visit her at first but as soon as I could I went, and they got her on medication which I’m sure you know and you’ve been to one of her therapy sessions.” Ellie said.
“Wow, I speculated but hearing it all is..alot.” Jordan said.
“Well you’re her therapy little so you should probably know. You just need to be there. Taking care of you has given her a kind of purpose. It gives her a level of responsibility that even Mocha couldn’t do. Thats’ the short version atleast. There’s more but if you want the full detailed account you’d have to get it from Sara. Some things just aren’t mine to tell.” Elli said.
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No comment or fanfic just tears 😭 ……I need a moment…..maybe a day or two 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I wondered if people would get the feels over this one.
Probably….will maybe not lethal but who knows anything is possible….now back to crying 😭
Lethal probably hoping Ellie wood have taken her time /s. But in all seriousness it will be interesting to hear his thoughts today.
I’m not devoid of emotion, i still feel sympathy for Sara, she’s just not so sympathetic thatvi can ignore the way she treats others, especially her dependent.
My god damn phone! Sorry, I hit the down vote button on accident.
Yeah, this one’s a bit rough. I feel bad for everyone. It’s tough going through that stuff and it’s just as tough realizing someone is in that position too late.
So it finally comes out. That’s really rough for sarah. You could always tell she’s insecure about things but seeing how much worse she had been is really sad. It’s really relatable as I’ve always been insecure and hyper sensitive to teasing and whatnot, and I had a lot of self harm thoughts as a teen, normal I’d just hit myself in the head, so this hits close to home. Dealing with it the way sarah had is definitely not the way to do it. Her friends shouldn’t be so hard on themselves though. Signs or not, this stuff can come out of nowhere. All this being said, sarah still has a long way to go. She keeps her walls up too often. She needs to actually talk about her issues and voice her opinions more rather than suffer in silence. Doing so might even help her see more of Jordan’s side of things when he voices his own opinions. You’d be shocked how often you can build empathy through expressing your feelings
. I’m glad ellie told jordan though. He needed to know. I want him to push for some kind of training so he can better support sarah. I also think sarahs therapist should be talking to jordan alone during sessions as a check up.
I fully agree with many of your points. Sara is guarded alot which also contributes to why some people don’t like her as she is shielded alot of time.
A telling comment is made after Sara takes Jordan back from Dayton and she briefly mentions to him in what is a throwaway line but also not a throwaway line about putting on a mask, smiling and being happy. As the intent behind that line is that often she’s not but its about putting on the persona each day likes its a pair of pants.
I remember lethal commenting on it how its not fair for her to expect that of Jordan just because its what she does. But with having all this knowledge at that time. That line always struck me as a painful reality.
I’m sure in time Sara probably will be more open but as you said as while shes “better” she does have a long ways to go and has to make sense of those feelings herself.
The therapist may work with Jordan in time its still early. Its been under a week and she just got him. The therapist may be taking into account some bonding and just in general getting used to the situation and for Jordan to even get used to being a little is needed before delving into coaching and techniques.
As Jordans job you could almost say is supporting Sara if he really is to be her Therapy little.
I’ve never suffered what Sara is depicted as going through I did a fair bit of research and reading up on it to try to depict it accurately and tie things to relatable acts.
I appreciate the effort you put into all of that. And yeah that piece about putting on a mask is abhorrently relatable. Sometimes it’s just easier to hide the sadness and pain than it is to tell people you care about that you’re struggling.
And that’s good in regard to the therapist. Ive been eally curious what being a emotional support little will look like in this world since, in reality, you can register any pet as emotional support and not need training or anything for it, but I figured Littles probably would have higher requirements and proof of training or something since they are of human intelligence, or at least seem to be. I guess I can’t say that for certain as it hasn’t really been stated as such in the story
1) “It started out a little rough” Man I wish he’d actually hold them accountable for the bullshit they’ve, especially Saea, put him through, rather than describing it as dismissively as this.
2) Ellie was little walking last time she was alone with Jordan.
3) Sara’s past was heartbreaking to read, all my dislike for Sara and I wouldn’t wish that on her for a moment. However given what she’s been through I’m even more pissed about her treatment of Jordan, she knows how it feels to be the “lesser” one getting picked on by her self-proclaimed “betters”.
4) Ellie giving this information was interesting, it’s also the most serious we’ve seen her, even threatening Ashley she wasn’t as serious.
5) Breif thoughts of “I feel sorry that Jordan’s going through this” are fun to read, but I wish actions more reflected that.
6) “he seemed to take it all in stride” Ellie, you know that doesn’t actually mean he’s adapting well.
7) I love how Ellie understands his decision to cut off his family despite wanting the opposite for herself, it’s great seeing the two options shown like that.
8) a bit funny that Gymnastics is what she traded for Sara’s life, like of all the things God woukd have wanted from her, fucking Gymnastics.
9) interesting that Sara was a bit chubby, it does make sense as she was the least sporty, being the only member of a group not doing any out of school, but hearing why she changed made me less jealous of her “overnight muscle development” lol
1) I think you might have to accept that it bothers you more than it bothers Jordan.
2) She was, but Kelli didn’t see it. Its only a point of contention now as Kelli becomes aware that other people can little walk quite easily.
3)A person could argue that whys she is elevating him to pet person. As she is taking into account that while society may view him as just a pet to care for. She is elevating his status and honoring him as being something greater then what society and the government views them as.
As from Sara’s perspective she doesn’t have our world to make a comparison to. She only knows of her plane of existence. So in that vacuum she is doing what you are saying shes not. You are only able to judge it differently as you have expierened and know of a timeline in which it was done better.
Also a little surprised you were a bit compassionate to Sara’s downfall. Considering you dislike of her.
4) Ellie has layers like an onion. She is generally a fun loving person by nature but can be serious if she needs too.
5)Isnt that how life kind of works though. Most people feel sorry that these starving kids around the world don’t have access to running water, clean water, and regular meals but how many people are running out and digging wells for them?
Its the most human response to feel empathy or even sympthay that someone is going through something and feeling bad that they are. However the amount of people who actually act on what they are feeling is like finding a needle in a solar system.
6) It also doesn’t mean he’s not. Although from her perspective he would be taking it all in stride considering what he has gone through this past week.
7) seeing the duality of choice.
8) Its hard to judge someone else’s sacrifice though. WHats important to one person can seem trivial to another. Gymnastics was a large part of her life and she was willing to give that up for Sara. Which to her was significant and meaningful.
I’m sure god would judge its worth to that person. I’m not a gymnast or have the talent or body or flexibility to be one. So me giving up gymnastics wouldn’t be quantifiable meaningful compared to someone who is an actual gymnast and has lived that life.
9)I’m still jealous of it. It does explain some of her personality and rule requirements with Jordan. How he curates his diet so carefully. As she probably carefully watches her own diet.
3) I think you and lethal make good points on this one. On the one hand, and it’s probably just social norms, sarah inheritly considers jordan and other Littles as beneath her and, while she may show respect towards them in ways, she’s not necessarily showing them the same respect she’d show a normal human. I really, really wish she didn’t use the word underbred. Even madison is trying not to, and that says a lot lol
But to your point, she does give jordan a lot more autonomy and allows him a bit more free reign than I imagine other guardians do, leaps and bounds more than Mallory does with gavin. She also provides more for him and curated his diet a lot more, even though he eventually will need to eat pellets.
Idk, a big part I think that has to play in this is the fact that sarahs relearning to be herself again. For all we know, pre suicide sarah could have been more on the Chloe side of Littles but her trauma is probably stopping her from going back to that. Like she could see it as unfair that a smallara victim or a smallborn would be on the same level as her but potentially not be bullied or something to the extent she was. That’s probably not true, but the points more that trauma has an insane impact on people’s personalities and maybe as she deals with it, she’ll see jordan as more than even a pet person, possibly even like a brother or something and they’ll develop into a duo similar to Kayla and kelli
1) I know it does, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop pointing it out.
2) I was referring to Ellie saying she hadn’t little walked since training.
3) This is the same cunt who flicked him away when he asked for her help with Maisy, who held him down when he tried standing up for himself, who left him with Dayton when he called out to her then laughed at him for not being able to fightback and stand up for himself revealing that she knew he was being bullied the whole time. Not to mention her own turn bullying him.
That was already bad enough but to realise she’d been bullied as much as she had and still allowed this to happen. Then she’s surprised when he didn’t ask her for help, going as far as to he upset he didn’t repeat an action that has never worked for him before.
I’m also not impressed Sara she’s him as slightly above where others do, especially since we know others in this workd do still see littles as equal, not just in the Rallies and protests but Mal and Chloe in her own friendgroup, even Tamara had a more mature view on littes than Sara does. Ellie reminisced in this chapter how She and Sara aren’t too far removed from thinking they could be vulnerable, yet so much of her opinion is based around the fact that she is.
I may not come across as a gentle and sympathetic type, and you’re not wrong about Mr having issues with Sara, but I’m not devoid of empathy and sympathy, I just feel her bad deeds out weigh her good ones.
5) I get what you’re saying, but it’s not like thise people are in the same room as thise starving, drought stricken children, Ellie is literally holding Jordan, and is definitely able to pull Sara up when she treats him poorly. She even has goid reasons to, as I’m not sue Sara woukd make it if Jordan did something to himself because of how she treats him.
6) from Ellie’s perspective Sara was “taking it all in stride”. She literally used the same metaphor.
8) That’s completely true, my comment was more made in jest as I was seeking a mood lightener. I didn’t mean for that point to be taken as seriously as the others.
9) yeah, another victory Charity seems to have over her, it’s ksad that she’s still pushing herself like this. Previously I’d assumed it cane from Tiff why Sara’s diet seemed to rigid and healthy. I still think it’s a bit rough that Jordan now has to live off the scraps of Sara’s diet, at least she’s not a vegan or something like that.
9) the concept of veganism does not exist in this world. You are right that it s a victory Charity has over Sara but shes kind of damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.
5) True, if Jordan self harmed himself because of her that would probably not end well or at the very least be a major setback to her recovery.
Jordan is also not asking for any help even though he is in a position at the moment where he could. Sara wouldn’t know. Its just him and Ellie.
3) I do think some of the events the way they are listed by you can be perceived as worse then they are in the context of them happening within the story.
It also makes no mention of the good she has done despite all she has been through.
But it’s very fair to think her bad points don’t make up for her good points.
9) This is the best news to come from this world, no Vegans.
Definitely, it’s really sad, I’m hoping she loosens up on it with both her and Jordan’s diets in the future.
5) Jordan asking for help doesn’t have a good track record, he’s been mocked, dismissed and struck in previous attempts so I don’t particularly blame him for not asking. Also, Sara would 100% count “asking Ellie for help instead of coming to her” as “Airing out their dirty laundry in public” which he has an active threat looming over him to prevent him from doing.
He’s also wearing a collar with a recording capacity so Sara could easily find out.
Plus Ellie may feel Sara “needs to hear it” disregarding Jordan’s desire for secrecy. I don’t really see him having any reason to trust Ellie, If it was Chloe I’d say more reason for trust, but not Ellie.
3) It’s true I’m quite possibly overestimating the severity of Sara’s action/inaction. I’ve certainly got my own history with bullies which could be casting shadows on things.
I didn’t mention her good deeds as they aren’t the point of that message, also many of them are only good superficially with conditions, strings and catches attached. Frankly I’d be more willing to praise her good actions if her bad ones were addressed more in the series rather than being handwaved and ignored by the characters including Jordan, It often feels to me like she gets away with everything and has a constant source of praise from those around her.
I think I mentioned this on your old DA page possibly here as well. It’s not enough if she’s better from now on, she needs to be held accountable for the times she hasn’t been previously.
I don’t think her good deeds make up for her bad ones, I understand others disagree. And while I do want Sara to endure consequences for how she’s been with Jordan, I don’t think she deserved how Charity treated her, that was much worse than she deserved.