A few moments earlier…
Kelli watched from the corner of her eye, pretending not to, as Sara’s fingers moved with practiced ease through Jordan’s hair. A soft tousle. A gentle, absentminded pat that seemed to melt him just slightly, his shoulders lowering, his breathing easing. It was like watching someone being plugged back into a source of comfort so profound it didn’t need to be spoken. Something primal. Intimate. Safe.
She looked away quickly, as if caught in a private moment she hadn’t been invited to. As if it might burn her if she stared too long.
And yet… she wanted to look again.
She told herself it was curiosity. Just curiosity. She was simply observing. After all, she had never seen someone, anyone, treat a Little like that. Not Kayla. Not the staff at the facility. Not even the government-assigned caretakers who smiled with clipped efficiency and checked boxes more than they offered warmth.
It wasn’t fair. That’s what she told herself next.
Because she was ready, had been ready, to push back the second Sara tried it with her. She’d rehearsed it in her head, the way she would draw a line. Firm but polite. Something like Thanks, but I’m not like that or I’m not a dog, don’t pet me. She was poised to stand her ground, assert her independence, remind Sara, and Jordan, for that matter, that she didn’t need soft touches or warm hands to feel whole. That she wasn’t some fragile thing waiting to be comforted.
But the opportunity never came.
Sara never reached for her.
She had respected Kelli’s space from the very beginning, perhaps too much. She never tried to tousle her hair or stroke her back the way she had done to Jordan. She never offered a hand near her, never tested the waters of contact.
And that should have pleased Kelli. It should have validated everything she believed she wanted.
But instead… it left something hollow in her chest. A strange, unexpected quiet.
Because for all her bravado, for all the pride she had in maintaining boundaries, she couldn’t stop the way her skin had remembered the warmth of Sara’s hand earlier, when she had stepped onto it of her own accord. She couldn’t unfeel the moment that Sara’s fingertip had brushed lightly down her back, and how her muscles had betrayed her, how they had eased, released, softened under the weight of care.
She hadn’t known she was tense until it was gone.
Now, she sat next to Jordan and watched him sink a little further into that warmth, and there was something else rising in her chest now, something she hated. It wasn’t resentment. No, that would’ve been easier to own. It was closer to… envy.
She envied him.
The way Sara just knew how to touch him, to ground him, to make him feel like someone worth holding.
And worse, Kelli found herself wondering, what if Sara did it again? What if she didn’t pull her hand away next time? Would it feel just as good? Would it make her feel like she belonged, not just here in this mansion, but in this strange new world that seemed to be moving faster than she could keep up with?
She told herself it wasn’t about feelings. That it was about comparison. Curiosity. That she simply wanted to verify that her reaction had been real, that it wasn’t a fluke of nerves or exhaustion. Just a second little pet, a small gesture, nothing more.
Not for comfort.
Not for closeness.
Certainly not because she wanted it.
But as her gaze flickered toward Sara, now deep in quiet conversation with Chloe, the firelight dancing against her soft hoodie and the slight curve of her lips, Kelli felt it again.
Not desire.
Not need.
But maybe, maybe… the smallest ache for connection.
And she knew with certainty now that no matter how close she was with Kayla, no matter how fiercely her sister loved her, this was something different. This wasn’t something she could ever want from Kayla. The idea of Kayla doing that, reaching out with a hand so large and gentle, felt wrong. Unnatural. As if it would invert something between them that couldn’t be unspun.
No, this wasn’t about family.
It was about her.
What it meant to be held and seen not as a sibling. Not as a responsibility.
But as her.
And she wasn’t sure how to ask for that.
Or if she ever would
“Kelli, Come on!” She heard Jordan say.
Kelli shifted her weight slightly on the cushion, feeling the remaining warmth of the fire licking at the edges of her perception, the faint murmur of Sara’s voice drifting in and out like a lullaby she wasn’t meant to understand. Her eyes lingered, not on Sara’s face now, but on her hand, the one that had held her so effortlessly. That hand, which had remained steady under her steps, a platform disguised as skin and warmth, had felt less like being picked up and more like being anchored in something unspoken.
She blinked slowly.
Nothing in her previous life compared, not even moments of intimacy, of closeness or affection. Not even in those fleeting, vulnerable nights with boys who had whispered sweet things against her skin. Those had always come with an undercurrent of tension, of wanting, of performance. They were exchanges, conditional and sharp-edged, filled with hopes for validation or fears of being used.
But this… this was different.
The comfort had wrapped around her not like a need, but like a truth. It didn’t ask her to be anything. It didn’t demand or expect or weigh. It simply was. And in being held like that, not cradled, not controlled, just supported, something ancient and unspoken inside her had uncurled. Something she didn’t even know she’d been carrying around since the virus. Since shrinking. Since the moment the world had become too big and her place in it had become too uncertain.
And now, with her legs planted beneath her, her body still remembering the feel of Sara’s skin underfoot, a strange sense of tranquility curled around her like the blanket she didn’t know she needed.
It startled her.
It frightened her.
Because nothing, not therapy, not Kayla’s careful hovering, not even her own steel-willed independence, had ever made her feel like this.
Not safe.
Utterly safe.
The realization struck her like cold water: vulnerability had never felt like this before. And now, her mind scrambled to contain it, to categorize and label the experience before it slipped too far past her defenses. It was intoxicating, yes. But it was dangerous too. Because once you tasted this kind of peace, this kind of knowing that someone else could carry a little of your weight, how could you ever go back to holding it all alone?
A quiet breath escaped her lips.
Maybe she did want it again, not because she was weak or needed saving, but because it reminded her she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.
That she didn’t have to guard every inch of herself all the time.
That maybe, just maybe, it was okay to want softness too.
Even the fierce deserved to be held sometimes.
And as the night continued on, and Chloe let out a soft laugh at something Sara had murmured in her ear, Kelli leaned her head back behind her and let herself close her eyes.
Just for a moment.
Not because she was tired.
But because, for the first time in a very long time, she felt like she could as she made her slow cautious steps towards Sara’s hand moving next to Jordan.
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1) “She looked away quickly, as if caught in a private moment she hadn’t been invited to. As if it might burn her if she stared too long” Public displays of affection can feel awkward like that.
2) “Because she was ready, had been ready, to push back the second Sara tried it with her. She’d rehearsed it in her head, the way she would draw a line. Firm but polite. Something like Thanks, but I’m not like that or I’m not a dog, don’t pet me” after Sara ignored Kelli trying to set a boundary earlier I don’t blame her for having her guard up.
3.1) “Sara never reached for her” Sara probably doesn’t want to overstep with someone elses Little, especially not a friend’s little
3.2) “But instead… it left something hollow in her chest. A strange, unexpected quiet” perhaps a spot of envy.
3.3) “It wasn’t resentment. No, that would’ve been easier to own. It was closer to… envy.” knew it
4) “She envied him. The way Sara just knew how to touch him, to ground him, to make him feel like someone worth holding.” I’m sure if she’d seen the entirety of how Sara had treated him an not just snippets she wouldn’t envy him.
5) “Not desire. Not need. But maybe, maybe… the smallest ache for connection” that’s an understandable desire.
6) “This wasn’t something she could ever want from Kayla. The idea of Kayla doing that, reaching out with a hand so large and gentle, felt wrong. Unnatural. As if it would invert something between them that couldn’t be unspun.” that’s interesting, that she wouldn’t want it from someone she mostly trusts but does want it from someone who she’s explicitly sceptical of.
7) “Those had always come with an undercurrent of tension, of wanting, of performance. They were exchanges, conditional and sharp-edged, filled with hopes for validation or fears of being used.” Sara’s petting of Kayla was all those things.
8) “The comfort had wrapped around her not like a need, but like a truth. It didn’t ask her to be anything. It didn’t demand or expect or weigh” But it is done to alter a Littles bahavour, even if it feels unconditional it was, Sara wanted something from Kayla and got it.
9) “It startled her. It frightened her. Because nothing, not therapy, not Kayla’s careful hovering, not even her own steel-willed independence, had ever made her feel like this. Not safe. Utterly safe.” understandable reaction from Kelli, it wouldn’t feel right for the safest she’s felt to be with someone she barely knows.
10) “It was intoxicating, yes. But it was dangerous too. Because once you tasted this kind of peace, this kind of knowing that someone else could carry a little of your weight, how could you ever go back to holding it all alone?” This is not making it seem less like a drug.
11.1) “Maybe she did want it again, not because she was weak or needed saving, but because it reminded her she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.” it’s fare to want to feel safe, especially while so vulnerable.
11.2) “That she didn’t have to guard every inch of herself all the time” all six of them
12) “Even the fierce deserved to be held sometimes.” this is true.
13) “But because, for the first time in a very long time, she felt like she could as she made her slow cautious steps towards Sara’s hand moving next to Jordan” I hope Kayla never learns this. Imagine the person you’ve known all your life, who you’ve spent the better part of the last week bending over backwards to help and make them feel safe, turns around and tells you a friend they just met did it with ease in ways you never could.
busy at work today, so I’m glad you basically said nearly everything I was thinking lol
6) I think it’s the nature of it. like if Kelli’s guardian was like a boyfriend, a friend, or someone she’s built strong rapport with that wasn’t family it’d be a lot different. plus the power dynamic would change a little too.
1) Agreed granted this isn’t really a public display of affection being they are in the privacy of chloe’s home. In personal space. It’s more a byproduct of being a little in that you are in awkward space.
2) This was a reasonable response by Kelli. I also like she that she was a bit annoyed she didn’t get to pushback.
3.1) That would be a valid response as one coudl argue her intent was just to comfort Kelli to build a bit of trust kind of like you would with a typical animal to garner trust so it is more willing to come with you. Sara’s earlier actions with Kelli could be under that guise. Where in this case she had no reason to do it.
3.2) You nailed it lol envy, jealous, a bit of all the above.
3.3) Take that victory lap.
4) I’m sure that’s true of most situations though. If you saw the entirety of someones life you would have a different appreciation. Maybe someone is rich but you don’t see the private moments where their parents are yelling at htem all the time or maybe there parents are at work for long hours so they spend a lot of time alone or are left alone so they lack that companionship and love from a parent.
While you what are saying is true i just don’t think its something that is so exclusive to Sara or something unique to Jordan and Sara. As while Kelli and Kayla have a great relationship outside looking in if you really saw everything maybe its not as rainbow and sunshine that its made out to be.
5) Its fairly relatable I agree.
6)Well its because its her sister. Having Kayla do that to her, and make her feel that way, and think that way, and release in that way. Would be quite different when you aren’t related to them vs related to them. Atleast from a mental standpoint.
So its more because Kayla is her sister not a slight against Kayla. SImilar to how someone may have an attractive sibling but it doesn’t mean they want to date that sibling or have that sibling give them a full body massage.
7) Assume you mean Kelli. It could be interpreted that way and it wouldn’t be wrong.
8) Assuming Kelli once again not kayla. Well Sara also could have seen kelli’s state and saw that she needed to relax. So it could have been to some degree for Kelli’s benefit. Sara also wanted Kelli to trust her generally an animal allowing you to pet them shows a degree of trust. So her thought process could have fallen along those lines. Where it may not have been as onesided as you are making it out to be or as full on manipulative as its depicted. Not every situation in my opinion can be so black and white.
9) It’s also opening her eyes to other possibilities and things that she may have never considered. Its also possible that Kayla may not be able to provide everything that Kelli needs because of their sibling relationship.
10) Well its more meant that Kelli has been her own guardian in a lot of ways and carrying all of her own emotions and feelings. Sara was able to take some of that burden and stress, and emotions away to share the load and make it easier on her. So the fear is getting used to that feeling and then not being able to go back. That doesn’t automatically make it a drug. Love and relationships are also like that. Marriage is a partnership where if its being done right you are sharing that burden and emotional tax where if all the sudden you have to revert to carrying all of it that’s a huge change and it ruins some people.
Thats why the loss of a spouse can be so hard as you are re-relearning how to live in a lot of ways. Kelli was more looking at it from that point of view then specifically Sara manipulating her giving her some drug like effect. It was more the stress and emotion being pulled back and away.
I think it can be similar to a drug in some ways but I still think its different but if its viewed as a drug to you I wouldn’t say that wrong. Its just not a different way to look at it that I didn’t intend when i wrote it which is what makes these dialogs interesting.
11) I agree and when being so small and vulnerable is new. Its not like she was born this way.
12) agreed.
13)Its more because they are sisters she feels that way as somethings just arent as comfortable when done by a family member as opposed to someone outside the family.
reading what you are saying, it sounds like Kelli staying with Sara and Jordan would allow Kelli to mellow out and except being a little more then with Kayla. In that case I think that would work out great because Sara and Kayla are friends and she can see Kelli anytime she wants and can go back to just worrying about herself and can take Kelli back if there any issues. It would be great for Jordan also.
I don’t know about accepting more being a little but there are things she feels would be less awkward if they are not done with Kayla being they are sisters
I just hope Kelli can find peace being a little with a guardian whether its with Kayla or Sara because she is just one walking away with out telling anyone from get seriously hurt by anything because she thought she could handle walking around without a big looking after her. Her getting hurt would really mess up alot of people.
1) It’d feel like a PDA to Kelli, but yes, they are in a private home
2) I’ve been in that position, having my practiced response all ready, and the prompt doesn’t even happen, very frustrating
3.1) That makes sense. I think she knows that if she made an enemy out of Kelli, that’d probably ruin her friendship with Kayla
3.3) Don’t mind if I do.
4) It’s not exclusive to Sara and Jordan, I agree.
5) It’s fairly relatable, I agree.
6) OK, so Kelli sees it as more intimate than typical affection, possibly romantic?
Romantic reading is weird, seeing as she’s watching a lesbian do it to her male date, lol.
7) I did, yes.
8) Sara likely does think it would help Kelli, and took it upon herself to ignore Kelli’s autonomy, boundaries and consent and give it to her directly, and if it endeared Kelli to her a bit along the way, all the more to Sara’s benefit.
10) “Been her own guardian” feels like an exaggeration. I can see why Sara would see it that way, given her low opinion of Littles, She’s more independent, opinionated and strong willed, she also is way less obedient to her guardian and other biggles as other littles are, and Kayla is willing to follow Kelli’s lead, So it’s an understand opinion for her to have.
I get comparing the bond to a marriage, but I think they’re quite different personally, The guardians aren’t listening to the Littles’ concerns and talking it out (thought I could see that adding to the bond), they’re touching the Littles’ bodies and causing a hormonal and endorphin reaction that alters their mood perception of situations, it’s been used to end discussions and prevent arguments from beginning. I do understand your point, and my view has been altered by this discussion, but not completely changed.
I like the mood of the story. It shows Kelli can see how much love Jordan and Sara have for each other and she wants that kind of love and Safety, now she just has to get out of her own way. I hope Kelli wants the the love and acceptance that Jordan has. If she bonded with Kayla and asked Sara to work with Kayla on her guardian skills like the petting & smoothness of motion. Her little life would be so much happier for her and Kayla.
Asuka,
This chapter is the epitome of the description of someone slowly becoming a drug addict. Kelli got the “free taste” from Sara, and she is starting to want more. I would bet that if either Sara or Kayla continued to pet her she would be hooked fairly soon. With the description here, of her thoughts, I would not be surprised if Kelli suggests petting to Kayla at some point, because I think Sara will refrain and eventually Kelli’s curiosity will get the better of her.
If that happens I can see Kayla being deeply shaken by the change Kelli would show, and hopefully being a truly good sister would try to lessen the impact and let Kelli keep as much of her old self as possible. But sometimes power can be a drug as well and Kayla may see how this would certainly make her life easier and if she sought out Sara’s advice, Sara would most likely point out that Kelli is a “people/pet” and there is nothing wrong with it.
I don’t like it, but it seems inevitable given the Little physiology.
I think Kayla learning to pet Kelli and calm her down and let her enjoy some perks of being a little is good because Kelli wont lose how she is but it will chill out her thinking she has power as a little that will get her hurt or worse. she could finish messing up her new relationship with her now guardian sister that Kelli is pushing to the point she will snap and wont put up with her and will us her size to show Kelli who is in charge, like putting her in a gerble cage of something, or pee outside lol.
im not opposed to people thinking its a drug. Just that is not the vision i have for it when I’m writing or created it. So, when I’m writing it i have no intention of specifically following that trendline or making it go down that path or people using it as a drug canonically.
But if reader interpretation wants to think of it that way I’m not going to stop or hinder it. But canonically Sara isn’t doping jordan for kelli for instance. So within the world at large or amongst people in the world. No one else would think of it like that. So the reader needs to have that understanding or be able to look at it as this is an acceptable and normal part of their world and their culture.
The intention is Kelli doesn’t want or intend to ever let Kayla pet her because its her sister and in her mind it would be inappropriate.
And I certainly don’t want you to change your POV or plot line. I like it when stories are interpreted differently by others. That leads everyone to opening there mind to different POVs. I see your POV when I look at it from the Smallara universe and not my own and I accept it, it is a good plot tool.
I’ve read other size stories where pheromones come into play in a similar way, and I like those stories as well.
Plus I like to complain 🙂
I like the physical POV of the little and human experience and the of course the social and government treatment of humanoids that have no way to defend their rights.