Becoming Grey: Episode 13

Chapter Thirteen 

November 12th,  2017 

Callie had been dreading the end of the school day since before the first bell. 

That morning she had texted Myles and told him she needed to talk to him after school. Nothing else. No explanation, no attempt to soften it with a joke, not even the usual stupid comment she would have added so the message sounded less serious than it was. Myles had answered almost immediately. 

Yeah. Of course. Everything okay? 

Callie had stared at the question for nearly a minute before typing back. 

I’ll tell you after school. 

That had been hours ago, and somehow every class since then had lasted twice as long as it normally did. 

She couldn’t avoid the conversation anymore. For the last few days, Callie had been trying to wrap her own head around everything first. There had been the clinic, the questions from her parents, the crying, the periods of sitting around the house feeling almost normal until she remembered why she was home from school in the first place. Somewhere in between all of that, the panic had slowly stopped being the only thing she could feel. The situation had not become less terrifying. She still had no idea what most of the next year was supposed to look like, let alone everything after it. But at least one thing had become clear. 

Callie wanted to keep the baby. 

Even thinking the word still felt strange. 

Baby. 

A few days earlier she might not have been able to say that. If she had known sooner, before the missed period had turned into a test and the test had turned into a doctor confirming it, maybe she would have felt differently. Maybe she would have wanted some way to make the whole problem disappear before it became real enough for her to imagine anything beyond herself. Callie didn’t know, and she had stopped trying to force herself to know. There was no version of the last week she could go back and redo. 

There was only this one. 

And somewhere during the long hours since the clinic, something had changed. The pregnancy no longer felt like two pink lines on a piece of plastic or a disaster that had happened to her. Once she knew it was there, she had started thinking about it differently despite herself. Not constantly. Not in some magical way that even remotely approached normalcy. This still felt much bigger then her at fourteen should be faced with. She was still terrified. There were moments when she looked at her homework or listened to Hannah complain about something stupid and wanted desperately to rewind her life by a month. 

But when Callie imagined not being pregnant anymore, the thought no longer brought the relief she expected. 

It made her sad. 

That had been the thing she couldn’t argue with. 

Her parents had told her the decision was not something she needed to make in a single frightened afternoon. They had talked about choices and consequences and how much her life would change. Callie had listened to all of it. She had spent nights staring at her ceiling, trying to separate what she actually wanted from what she thought she was supposed to want. 

She kept arriving at the same place. 

She wanted to keep the baby. 

Now she had to tell Myles.And somehow that frightened her almost as much as telling her parents had. 
 
Callie walked slowly toward the front of the school, her backpack hanging from one shoulder and everything she had carried through last period still stuffed inside it. Normally she would have stopped at her locker before leaving, but she had planned around that today. She had taken everything with her so there would be no reason to cross paths with Myles in the hallway, no chance of getting trapped beside his locker while students streamed around them and somebody asked what they were doing after school. She could not have this conversation beneath fluorescent lights with half of Ridgemont High passing within ten feet of them. 

Once she was outside, Callie crossed the street and stopped near the edge of the small parking lot opposite the school. Then she pulled out her phone. 

I’m across the street. 

Myles appeared a few minutes later. 

Callie knew immediately that he was worried. He walked faster than usual, his backpack hanging crookedly from one shoulder, and whatever expression he normally wore when he spotted her was missing. He had probably spent the entire day trying to figure out why she had asked to meet him and then apparently gone out of her way not to see him. 

“Callie, what’s going on?” He stopped in front of her and searched her face. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me all day. I haven’t seen you once.” 

Callie opened her mouth. 

Nothing came out. 

She had rehearsed this conversation so many times that morning that she should have been able to recite it from memory. Every version had sounded manageable inside her head. Now Myles was standing in front of her, waiting, and every possible opening seemed ridiculous. 

How did somebody ease into this? 

She wished, suddenly and fiercely, that her parents were here. Her father could say it plainly the way he had for her mother. Her mom could take over when Callie ran out of words. But they weren’t there, and Callie knew they shouldn’t be. This was something she and Myles needed to face together. 

She rubbed her thumb along the strap of her backpack. “Do you remember that night when we decided we needed to slow things down?” 

Myles’s expression changed, though not in the way she expected. Some of the worry left his face. “Yeah.” 

“I think there are things about that night we probably should’ve handled differently.” 

“Callie, if this is about us, I don’t regret being with you.” He spoke quickly, then seemed to hear how serious that sounded and lost some of his confidence. “I mean, obviously slowing down was probably smart. But I don’t regret you. If that’s what you’re worried about.” 

Even now, Callie recognized the familiar Myles underneath the nerves. He was trying to say the right thing and becoming less certain of the sentence with every word. 

Normally she might have teased him. 

Today she couldn’t. 

“Myles.” Callie took a breath, but it caught somewhere halfway down. She had spent all day trying to find a better way to say this and there simply wasn’t one. “I’m pregnant.” 

Myles stared at her. 

Then he laughed. 

Not loudly. It was one startled burst of sound, followed by a grin so relieved that for half a second Callie could only stare back at him. 

“Oh my God.” Myles put a hand against his chest. “You got me.” 

Callie didn’t move. 

“I’m serious. You actually got me.” He shook his head, still smiling. “I’ve been freaking out all day. I thought you were going to break up with me or tell me I did something wrong.” His relief was making the words come faster now. “Is this payback for the whole complimenting your face from behind thing? Because if it is, this is completely insane, even for you. Where’s Maggie? Is Luke hiding somewhere?” 

“Myles.” 

Something in her voice slowed him. 

The smile remained, but only barely. 

“I’m pregnant,” Callie said again. “And you’re the father.” 

The smile disappeared. 

Completely. 

Callie watched his face change as the meaning finally reached him. His eyes stayed on hers, but the easy confidence that usually made Myles seem older than fourteen vanished so quickly that for a moment he looked exactly their age. 

“I’ve been late,” Callie continued before she lost the ability to speak. “That’s why I was out of school. I wasn’t sick. My parents know, and my mom took me to the clinic. They confirmed it.” She swallowed. “I haven’t told Maggie. I haven’t told Luke. You’re the first person I’ve told besides my parents.” 

Myles said nothing. 

Cars moved through the student lot behind them. Someone shouted across the street near the school entrance. A bus started with a deep mechanical rumble, and Callie became painfully aware that the rest of Ridgemont was continuing through an ordinary afternoon while the world between her and Myles had changed completely. 

“Confirmed it?” he finally asked. 

Callie nodded. 

“At a clinic?” 

“Yeah.” 

Myles looked away from her and ran one hand through his hair. “But are they sure?” 

“Yes.” 

“I mean, doctors can be wrong.” 

“Myles.” 

“I know. I know.” He paced two steps away, stopped, then turned back toward her. “I’m just trying to understand what you’re saying.” 

“So am I.” 

That stopped him. 

For several seconds neither of them spoke. 

Myles looked frightened now. Not the nervous kind of frightened Callie had seen when he stumbled through a compliment or worried he had said something stupid. This was different. His eyes kept moving as though he were searching for an answer somewhere around them and becoming increasingly aware that there wasn’t one. 

“We’re fourteen,” he said. 

“I know.” 

“We’re actually fourteen.” 

“I know, Myles.” 

He looked at her again. “What are we supposed to do?” 

Callie felt something twist inside her. For the first time since the clinic, someone had asked the question she had been asking herself without pretending there was an easy answer. 

“I don’t know.” 

Myles glanced across the street toward the school, where students were still spilling out through the front doors. A few had started walking in their direction. 

He stepped closer to Callie and lowered his voice. “Can we go to my house?” 

Callie followed his gaze. 

“Yeah.” 

“I just…” Myles rubbed both hands over his face and let them fall. “I don’t think I can have this conversation standing across the street from school.” 

Neither did Callie. She adjusted the strap of her backpack, and together they started walking. 

Neither of them said anything. 

There was no small talk, no stupid argument about school, no Myles trying to make her laugh because the silence had become uncomfortable. They simply walked down the block toward his house with the late afternoon cold pressing against them. Callie kept her hands tucked into the sleeves of her hoodie and watched the sidewalk pass beneath her shoes. 

She knew this route. The last time she had walked it with Myles had been after the West Ridgemont game. That night, everything had felt different. The stadium lights had still been glowing behind them. Fireworks had cracked somewhere over the field. The air had been cold against her face in a way that felt good after the heat and noise of the crowd, and Myles had taken her hand as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Callie remembered looking down at their fingers together and realizing, with a strange little thrill, that neither of them seemed particularly interested in letting go. 

Back then, the whole walk had felt magical. Now Callie found herself thinking about moments. That was the word her mind kept returning to.  

Moments. 

She had spent the last few days thinking about enormous things: pregnancy, parents, doctors, school, the future. But the farther she walked, the more her thoughts narrowed toward something much smaller. A few seconds after the game. Maggie running toward the field. Luke disappearing with the crowd. Callie hanging back. 

What if she had gone with them? 

What if she had grabbed Maggie’s hand and followed the surge of students onto the field? What if she had run after Luke instead of staying beside Myles? What if she had made one different decision in one ordinary second? 

Maybe nothing else would have happened. 

Maybe she and Myles would have walked home later anyway. 

Maybe their relationship would have ended up exactly where it was now. 

Callie would never know. 

That was the part that bothered her. 

She had always imagined life as something built from big choices, the kind people knew they were making. College. Jobs. Marriage. Moving somewhere. Things you sat down and thought about before deciding. Instead, one of the biggest changes in her life seemed to trace backward to something almost stupidly small: staying beside one person instead of following another. 

A few seconds. That was all. Callie looked ahead and saw Myles’s house coming into view. For one moment she wanted to stop. 

The urge was sudden and strong enough that she actually slowed down. She could go home. She could tell Myles they would talk tomorrow. She could tell him she needed time. Her parents already knew. She had made her decision. Nothing forced her to keep walking through the next part today. 

Except that wasn’t true. 

If she was really going to do this, if she was going to keep the baby and live with everything that came after, she could not keep dealing with the situation only when somebody else helped carry it for her. Myles was part of this too. Whatever happened next, whatever he felt or wanted or feared, Callie needed to know. So she kept walking. 

Myles unlocked the front door and pushed it open. Callie stepped inside behind him, and the warmth of the house hit her immediately. 

For about two seconds, neither of them moved. 

Then Myles dropped his backpack near the wall. 

“MMOOOM!” 

Callie jumped. The panic in his voice carried through the house with enough force that footsteps answered almost immediately from more than one direction. 

Her stomach dropped. She had assumed they were going upstairs. Or sitting in the living room. Talking privately. She had not thought any farther than that. 

“Myles?” his mother called from somewhere deeper in the house. 

Another set of footsteps came from the opposite direction. Both of his parents were home. Callie felt suddenly trapped. She could still leave. She could turn around, open the door, tell Myles this was not what she meant. She could say she needed to talk to him first. She could come back another time. The thoughts barely had time to form before his mother appeared. 

“Myles, what is it?” 

His father came in only a second behind her. Callie stood near the entryway with both hands gripping the straps of her backpack. Myles looked at his parents. Then at Callie. Then back at them. And Callie saw the exact moment whatever plan he might have had disappeared. 

“Callie’s pregnant.” 

Her stomach dropped. 

“Myles…” 

“And it’s mine,” he continued, the words coming faster now. “She was out of school because she went to a clinic and they confirmed it, and she just told me, and I didn’t know anything before today, I swear. We slowed down after that night, but apparently it was already too late, and I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.” 

“Myles.” Callie could barely get his name out before he kept going. 

“It happened after the Thomas Game. That night she came over. I know you guys weren’t home, and I know that sounds bad, but we weren’t planning anything and then things just kind of happened and…” 

“Myles, stop.” 

This time his mother’s voice cut through him. He stopped. The silence that followed felt enormous. Callie stood frozen near the front door. There was no easing into it now. No careful explanation. No choosing which details to give first and which ones could wait. Myles had torn the entire thing open in less than thirty seconds. His mother looked at Callie. Callie wished, desperately, that she were anywhere else. This was becoming bigger than she had prepared for. 

It wasn’t just her anymore. 

It wasn’t just her parents. 

It wasn’t even just her and Myles. 

The circle had widened again. 

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